Starting Weight
460 lbs
Current Weight
396 lbs
Total Lost
64 lbs
Pledged/Donated
$7,679.00
53,089 Lbs (food)
Meet Ben
The man behind 'Donate My Weight'
Hello everyone, my name is Ben Miller. Let me start things off by pointing out that I'm just a regular guy who's been through some hard times, like pretty much everyone else. For me, my demons were alcohol and food, both of which wrought havoc on my body. After spending most of my life in a normal-sized body, I began gaining weight rapidly about 10 years ago and I've ballooned up to over 450 lbs. I am proud to say that I haven't had an alcoholic drink since October of 2003... but I'm getting ahead of myself.
My story begins
at St. Luke's Hospital in Fountain Hill, PA, in 1975. I was born into a
great family and along with my loving parents, I was blessed to have an older
sister and brother
.
I grew up in a nice, middle-class neighborhood in Nazareth, PA
. It was a great place to live,
there were lots of other kids in the neighborhood to play with and help me get
in trouble. That's right, I was one of those rambunctious kids who was
always into some sort of trouble
.
My dad was a
teacher at the local High School
and my mom was a homemaker
and substitute teacher
. We had a
pretty typical home life, easily recognized by anyone who grew up in the
suburbs. Both my parents worked
hard to provide for my brother, sister and me. We weren't rich, but
we weren't poor either. We were somewhere in the middle, like most other
families who lived in the 'burbs.
As I got older,
I began to calm down and cause less trouble in school. In reality, the
only trouble I ever caused was related to talking out of turn or doing goofy
things to make other kids laugh
.
I was kind of an insecure kid and I just wanted people to think I was funny, to
like me. Of course the irony of it is, had I just relaxed a little and
been myself, I would probably have made plenty of friends.
I guess that's just one of those lessons we have to learn the hard way, like "Don't pee into the wind," or "If you eat too much candy, you will get a stomachache." Since I am somewhat of a stubborn guy, let's just say I've had my share of bellyaches and ruined a pair of shoes or two. But again, I'm going off-track...
Between my
Junior and Senior years of high school, I enlisted in the US Navy's delayed
entry program
.
This allowed me to officially join the service, but put it off until after I
graduated. Knowing that I already signed the dotted line for the Navy, you
can imagine how dedicated to schoolwork I was that year
.
Though my grades were not exactly fantastic, I did enjoy an active social life
and I had my share of dates
.
I stepped off
the bus in Orlando, FL on July 26, 1993, as I entered boot camp. It was a
culture-shock for me and to be completely honest, it scared me to death.
As a guy who was very unsure of himself and had never really been away from home
for any extended time, I felt lost
.
I'm embarrassed to say I even tried to quit from boot camp in the beginning, but I was lucky
enough to have a Company Commander who understood my mindset and made me
continue. He may have done it through screaming and intense physical
training, but that was his way of showing me that even if I didn't believe in
myself, he believed in me. I never did get to tell him how much I
appreciated that.
After boot
camp, I went on to my job training (Navy called it "A" school) so I
could learn to be a CTT and work in the world of
Naval Intelligence
.
I graduated with honors
and moved on to my first duty station, VQ-2 in Rota, Spain
.
Things were
going well and I was quickly proving myself on the job
,
plus I met a
nice girl and started a relationship.
I was overseas a little over a year when my world started crumbling around me.
I'll never forget, I was in VQ-2's Electronic Warfare Department when I had my first Panic
Attack. I had no idea what was happening to me and my
superiors sent me to all sorts of Navy doctors
to try and find out what was happening.
The Navy
initially moved me to another job outside of the intelligence community, while
I continued to undergo medical tests. During the same time, my
relationship fell apart and I became somewhat of a hermit
.
It's hard to explain the feelings I felt as I struggled to understand the
situation. Eventually, the Navy offered to give me an honorable discharge
and allow me to go home. While I was comforted by the thought of being in
familiar surroundings, going home seemed like a
cop-out to me and I began to feel like a failure
.
In the Navy,
for the first time in my life, I really proved myself and I worked as hard as I
could to be the best. I was actually living up to my expectations, like
all my old teachers and guidance counselors used to say, but I was losing
everything because of some mystery medical problem. It absolutely
crushed me when I accepted the honorable discharge and came home
.
In my mind, I was a failure once again, reinforcing all those insecure thoughts
I had growing up.
I came home and
began drinking, partying and eating to cover up my hurt
.
For awhile, the attacks went away and I was able to go on with my life, though
my failure with the Navy just ate me up inside. I enrolled in college at
Lock Haven University and even joined the Kappa Delta Rho fraternity
.
Things seemed to be looking up for me again... when the attacks came back,
stronger than ever.
The first one
came while I was laying in bed sleeping. I had another the next
day and went home to see my family doctor, Dr. Hugo Twaddle. He was very
good to me when he diagnosed me with Panic Disorder, taking the time to
explain it thoroughly. He put me on medicine and recommended I speak to a
psychologist. The medicine helped a great deal
,
but the attacks never completely went away.
From that point
on, I made myself feel better by
consuming large amounts of alcohol and food
.
Even though it took the pain away temporarily, I continued to gain weight
rapidly, which made me feel even worse in the long-run. It was a vicious
cycle and I felt like I was trapped. Luckily, I was able to receive
some support from the Veteran's Administration. They had their doctors
evaluate me and after some time, I was designated a disabled veteran.
With the VA's help, I was able to
graduate from Lock Haven
and continued on to the working world. Unfortunately, my panic attacks and
my terrible eating/drinking habits came with me and it was such a lonely,
miserable part of my life.
One of my biggest supporters was my dad
, who never lost faith in me and my
ability to overcome my obstacles. With his help, I was able to say goodbye
to the alcohol once and for all in October of 2003.
He was so proud
of me and together we talked about my next big battle- my weight. Even
though I was proud that I was able to kick alcohol, my panic attacks became much
harder to handle without the alcohol to help me through them. Getting rid
of all the weight I accumulated seemed impossible because to make up for the
missing alcohol, I began eating more
.
There were many nights I never went to sleep, because I was up all night
worrying about my situation. I saw no way out of it.
Then, on March
1 of 2004, life threw another curveball. Around 6:30pm that evening, my
Dad had a sudden heart attack and died almost immediately
.
I'm sure you can imagine how hard things became, but I never did go back on my
promise to my dad and begin drinking again. I went on a diet because I
told my Dad I would, and I was able to lose 130 lbs
.
Unfortunately, the situation eventually overwhelmed me and I gained it all back,
plus some
.
Times were hard
again and I was beginning to give up on myself. It felt to me like I was
failing over and over, from the Navy and the panic attacks to the repeated
failures with my diet. In the years after my dad's death I was very
lonely. I hadn't been in a relationship in years and for a guy my size
,
it just didn't seem possible to meet a nice girl who would look past my weight
to the person inside. I still believed deep down inside that it would all
turn around one day, I just couldn't figure out how make it happen.
That's when I
met Andrea
,
the most incredible woman I have ever had the privilege to know. From the
first time we met, she saw me for who I was, it was as if she hadn't even
noticed my weight
.
A year and a half later, we were married in beautiful Cape May, NJ
.
Along with my wife, I also welcomed two great stepchildren into my family
.
I can't even begin to tell you how much they mean to me.
Since I met
Andrea, she has given me tremendous support in fighting my battles with weight
and Panic Disorder
.
She has also given me the courage to visit some new doctors
, in addition to my
regular doctors at the VA,
where I learned to have a little more control over the attacks. They still
come here and there, but I am much better at helping myself through them and I
have new medication to make things easier.
Andrea was also
my main supporter with the 'Donate My Weight' project. Though the idea to
donate the food and raise money for the food bank was mine, it was her idea to
take my campaign online. She helped me see the big picture and realize
that while I may be able to donate a certain amount on my own, I could
make a huge difference by involving others. With the number of people in
this country who are dealing with obesity like I am
,
there is a ton of opportunity in 'Donate My Weight.'
The way I look
at it, the whole thing is a lose/win situation- I lose the weight and the people
who depend on Second Harvest will win. That's what it's really all about to me,
making a difference in someone else's life. Along with my progress, I
hope to inspire others to do the same thing in their own communities. Not
only will it give them more motivation to lose the weight, it will also
provide additional food to support their local soup kitchens and food banks. The whole
thing has a trickle-down effect and at the end of the day, there is a great
potential to make a difference in thousands of lives
.
UPDATE
03/19/2008: We have a new baby!!!!! On March 19, 2009, my wife and I
welcomed our daughter, Allana Kateri Miller, into the world. Weighing in
at 6 lbs, 15 oz, Allana measured 20 inches long.
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future -Oscar Wilde
